Kiss or Kill
By Mark Twight
I read Mark’s collection of personal essays just after it came out in 2001. He writes in a raw and unfiltered way which captures his climbing ambitions and style. I am fan and urge those who are drawn to climbing in the mountains to seek out his wisdom.
A Few of My Favorite Excerpts
“I don’t really give a shit what anyone thinks. I do what I do. I succeed. I fail. Sometimes I’m so lazy I do neither. I live and breathe along with my problems and my work and my self-inflicted pain.” (House of Pain)
Everything in life is a challenge. You can accept the challenge to improve, or you can bask and distract yourself with success. Mark has accepted and survived the challenge, emerging as a true human being. The reward is personal freedom—not the illusion of the freedom to choose, but the freedom to confidently follow the heart. Sport is about personal growth, whether in competition or on the mountains. You have the opportunity to challenge yourself beyond any means available in daily life. You choose what you get. You can waste it on your identity, or you can give back some of what you take. It’s up to you.— Brian Enos (writing about Mark Twight)
During my respite from climbing, memories of it protected me. Hope for a happier future comforted me. Memories and hope are not so different; one is “having done” the other is “to do.” Neither constitutes action. You are what you do; thus, if you do nothing, you are nobody. If you once did great things, you think you are great. You coast along on dead, preserved laurels, lifeless and wasting away.
I spent 12 weeks on crutches after knee surgery. During recovery I surrounded myself with wannabes, pretend-to-bes, has-beens, and never-will-bes. I met people who wasted their talent or were afraid of it. They taught me why I hadn’t become a good climber. Like them, I was afraid to succeed, scared to commit. I didn’t want to be any better than anyone else. Eventually, I sickened of people, myself included, who don’t think enough of themselves to make something of themselves—people who did only what they had to and never what they could have done. I learned from them the infected loneliness that comes at the end of every misspent day. I knew I could do better. (I Hurt, Therefore I am)
We grow up believing in the sanctity of one relationship that lasts “forever.” Those who break the pattern are vilified. But when the right man finds the absolutely right woman, neither makes huge concessions to appease the other. Coexistence is not effortless, but it can be graceful nonetheless. (No Time to Cry)
…Do you have the courage to live with integrity that stabs deep? Use the mirror to cut to the heart of things and uncover your true self. Use the razor to cut away what you don’t need. The life you want to live has no recipe. Following the recipe got you here in the first place:
Mix one high school diploma with an undergrad degree and a college sweetheart. With a whisk (or a whip) blend two cars, a poorly built house in a cul de sac, and 50 hours of work a week working for a board that doesn’t give a shit about you. Reproduce once. Then again. Place all ingredients in a rut, or a grave. One is a bit longer than the other. Bake thoroughly until the resulting life is set. Rigid. With no way out. Serve and enjoy.
But there is a way out. Live the lifestyle instead of paying lip service to the lifestyle. Live with commitment. With emotional content. Live whatever life you choose honestly. Give up this renaissance man, dilettante bullshit of doing a lot of different things (and none of them very well by real standards). Get to the guts of one thing; accept, without casuistry, the responsibility of making a choice. When you live honestly, you cannot separate your mind from your body, or your thoughts from your actions. (Twitching with Twight)